♥ You Are The Worst Partner Ever [vs. Lord and Hanalei II]

[Arianny DeLise]

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It was a miracle that God himself didn’t strike MGM dead as they walked inside a little church somewhere in San Francisco. They had come to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and both of them were still in character, sorta. Mondae held her red solo cup, Jace in tow, and Arianny was drinking an iced coffee - yes, it was a PSL. All three paused in the entrance of the church, making awful faces. It was doubtful any of them had ever been inside of one.

“Should I like, light a candle? Isn’t that how people pray? I need to make sure I don’t die on Thursday so my pathetic revolution lives on.”

“Fucking light it then and lets go,” Jace replied, not at all like Raven MacDemare. He just looked bored. Mondae tugged his perfect beard. “Lord’s whore wouldn't say that.”

Arianny had gone over to the altar and lit a candle. “God, please don’t let the Mean Girls beat the fuck out of me. I don’t want to end up back in rehab, or dead. Also, help me save Lord. His drinking and no fucks given attitude is not the kind of help I need this week. Amen.”

Arianny blessed herself like she had seen people do on TV and signaled for Mondae and Jace to follow her to the basement.

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“My name is Hanalei and I'm a dumb cunt."

Everyone in the room looked confused. That really wasn’t how you were supposed to start an AA meeting. The host was about to interject but a look from Mondae caused the older woman to quickly back down. The six other people in attendance looked completely confused.

“I’m a wrestler for RSW and this guy to my right,” Arianny pointed at Mondae. “He’s my tag team partner, Lord Blake. To give you a little background on why I’m here, I got myself in a huge mess. The stress and pressure is getting to me, and I feel like I am going to start drinking again. I’ve been sober for a minute, but as you can see, my partner doesn’t know what that word means.”

Mondae nodded, agreeing.

“This frat loser has no talent and thinks he is a legitimate wrestler because he showed up to train at a burnt down, stupid gym called Battle Arts. No talent hacks ran it, to be honest. Compared to our opponents, and factoring in my overall lack of everything that matters, we basically have no chance of winning our match against the great Arianny Blake and Mondae Chaos.”

Arianny paused a moment to adjust her beanie and scowl so she could appear different and unique.

“Lord is the absolute worst partner in the world I could have been given. I’ve brought him here today so he can hear how alcohol ruins lives and why it makes people such a waste of space. Lord has this thing where he drinks inside the ring which makes him a liability to me. Ari and Money have been a tag team since they were born and have a better record than everyone in RSW. When you put them together no one has any chance of defeating them ever. Lord and I have both pissed them off with our idiotic actions.”

“Legit.” Mondae held up her solo cup in salute.

“Lord’s cheap victory over Mondae meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Mondae is a much better wrestler and got screwed. Arianny is undefeated and owns RSW now. Ari is able to out think everyone and Mondae is one of the strongest competitors on the roster. Ari and Money are both better technically than Lord and I. Nothing we have can match them, because whatever one lacks, the other makes up for. Lord and I are both inexperienced, have nothing in common, and really can’t compete with wrestling royalty.”

Arianny took a sip of her PSL.

“My hope going into the match was for Lord to carry me. But he wants to throw parties, fuck his skank who I brag about beating for whatever reason, and get massages. Another loss will kill my career. I can’t deal with this and I really want a drink. Please help me.”

Mondae stood up at that point and slung an arm around Ari. “That’s what happens when you get paired with a fluke champion. Never, ever count on me."

Lord was just the worst.

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