♥ The 7 Stages of Grief; Stages 1 - 3 [vs. Losers Inc. I]

[Arianny DeLise]

The following is an absolutely ridiculous mockumentary featuring RSW harlot and plaything to the boss, Arianny DeLise. It's exclusive to RSW.com and narrated by the greatest human being alive.

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“Hello.”

The handsomely horrible and smirking face of the arrogant Dallas Blake comes into view.

“I'm sure the wrestling world never expected to see me again but unfortunate circumstances have brought me back to San Francisco. For those of you who have reached out with your condolences about the demise of my relationship with Frederik the Hairdresser, thank you. Thank you so much. I'm currently not looking for another boyfriend at the moment.”

Dallas takes a moment to remember Frederik and continues on.

“On Vendetta Seven, my sweet sister suffered the most humiliating defeat in professional wrestling history. Lord Blake outclassed her and put on a pure wrestling clinic. Since then Arianny Blake-DeLise has been suffering through the seven stages of grief. It hasn't been pretty. The shock and denial phase was particularly heartbreaking.”

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Cue The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony"

Arianny sits up in the middle of the ring, pure shock and disbelief on her face. Security is breaking up the brawl and Shawn DeLise is out cold right beside her. The crowd is cheering and trash rains down in the ring like confetti.

She had lost thanks to The Revolution.

“No.”

She slaps her hands down on the mat and starts to scream.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

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“Yikes! The good thing is, Ari has a chance to redeem herself this week against ZERO.”

Dallas makes a disgusted face.

“And Issak Otto. She's teaming with Absolute Champion, Bryce Albright. This match is a gift to Ari, who everyone seems to think is the weak link in all of this. Arianny outsmarted ZERO the last time they faced one another and had Miles Larsen convince ZERO to throw the match. When you lack strength, you need brains.

Personally, I believe she should have just have killed Luchagay because he did break my arm.

Pain and guilt make up the second stage of grief. Since Vendetta, Ari has been binge eating and packing on pounds to her already fat ass. It’s how she’s coping with her guilt of no longer being main event worthy.”

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Arianny is dipping carrot sticks in ranch dressing, licking off the ranch, and tossing the carrots in the trash. Mondae Chaos is sitting with her.

“I've ruined my career! Actually, that joke of a ‘Revolution’ ruined my career. ZERO and Otto? Are you kidding me?! Otto is unproven in the ring and is about as strong as Hanalameo. Hello! I've already made that heinous bitch tap out! Not to mention, I've made people way bigger than that Swedish illegal tap out. Granted Neville Proctor probably liked it but whatevs!”

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“Trust me when I say Arianny has already tried to have Issak deported. Sadly, his work visa seems pretty legit. Honestly, I think Ari feels guilty about what happened to Miles Larsen and is rebuking this match because of that fact. She's stated to Money and me several times that Miles is the best sex she's ever had.

Sorry Chance!

The addition of Bryce to the match is a fun plot twist! Not to long ago, Bryce slaughtered Arianny and ZERO after Ari beat ZERO. It was revenge for costing him a chance to advance in the Supreme Championship tourny. You know Bryce is a better technical wrestler than everyone. His skills will make up for what Arianny lacks in technique, so them balancing each other out will ensure they win. Plus the fact ZERO's ego will overshadow Otto.

The third stage of grief involves anger and bargaining. I wonder if Ari will fuck Wilfred to make sure Bryce holds up his end of the deal?”

Dallas shrugs.

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“I fuckin’ told Bryce not to fuckin’ touch you, so those same rules apply to you! Don't you even fuckin’ look at him, or his father, for that matter. Or fuckin’ any of them! Do you understand me?!”

Shawn and Ari stare daggers at one another.

“I don't sleep around! Aren't we supposed to be working on our relationship? Stop being so controlling!”

“Maybe I need to keep a tighter fuckin’ leash on you! Did you pay a visit to Barassi today?!”

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Dallas is looking at his brand new Rolex.

“Busted!!! Remember people, anger is nasty. Also, isn't Shawn DeLise great?”

Dallas flashes his Rolex.

“Best brother-in-law ever!”

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Stay tuned to find out what happens when Arianny pays Jimmie Barassi a little visit!